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He had no family history of heart trouble, he was only 51 years old, he'd always been healthy and kept himself in good physical condition.The only thing we could come up with was his 20-some years of smoking cigarettes. He'd taken up the habit in college, but had quit nearly 10 years earlier.Whatever had caused it was irrelevant. It was a problem that had to be dealt with, and Ricky didn't look back for a second once the decision was made to have surgery.I'll be honest, though; we were scared. Up to that point, our lives had been a fairy tale, and now suddenly we were confronted with a mortal crisis that could take my Ricky away from me.I've never felt more alone in my life -- notwithstanding all of the family, friends and clergy that were surrounding me -- than in that moment when they wheeled him into the operating room. I was absolutely lost, and that's when I finally cracked. I just buried my face in my father-in-law's shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably.Now, as I sat by Ricky's. I was surfing the web, looking at the ladies in theirunderwear on the Victoria's Secret website. She must have been standingthere for a while. I was staring at the screen and I made the comment ofhow cute some woman looked, just talking to myself. I think she mighthave even caught me rubbing on myself a little. I was definitely a littlehard down there."That is an adorable panty and bra set, James. Were you planning onpurchasing that set?" Then she turned around and walked out of the room."Crap!" was all I could think of. How on earth was I going to explain toMother what I was doing looking at the women on the Victoria's Secretwebsite? A young man such as me should have absolutely no reason to go tothat site, ever. I'm 13, by the way. My sister, Connie, is 15. But we areboth about the same size. Not that I'd know that for sure because I'venever tried her clothes on or anything like that. But when a boy turns13, and his hormones are starting to kick in, I think you know where I'mgoing.
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